I had an interesting conversation with a woman I really respect this morning. We were comparing the struggles that we’d come through while our children went through their teenage years. Some teenagers seem to float right on through those years without any apparent issues. Others seem to challenge every aspect of your parenting.

This is certainly not a new issue. I am sure it is one that dates back to the first teenager. But, it continues to be one that baffles many. If there are unsettling issues within the home, such as a divorce or the loss of someone special, these problems tend to escalate.

So, what does a parent do? As my friend pointed out, we have classes to teach lamaz, which helps for the entry of the child into this world, but nothing really prepares us for parenting, particularly as each child is unique and none of them come with an operations manual.

Personally, I feel that as a parent I have learned more from hind-sight than anything else. I also feel that if we are able to look deep enough, the teen gives us the answer to whatever conflict is happening. Whether or not we are able to recognize that answer or implement it is a whole other story. I know I was not all that good at it.

Two things that my friend and I discussed were in regards to our daughters. We both found that taking away privileges did not seem to work. Instead it only served to make our daughters dig in their heals even deeper.

My friend’s break through in her relationship with her daughter came when she tried something that many of us would think was quite radical. After thoughtful consideration of her daughter; who she was and what she cared about, my friend decided to try offering her daughter horse riding lessons as her daughter was passionate about horses. This decision involved a commitment on my friend’s part in a financial manner that wasn’t easy at the time. It also involved a commitment to taking the time to drive her daughter to the stables. A trip of an hour or more in one direction.

The benefits that came from this decision were enormous. The behavior issues did a 180 and eventually disappeared. In addition, the time spent driving to and from the stables opened an opportunity to connect and talk with her daughter that was not previously there. In this particular instance, giving proved to be the answer that taking away could never find.

In my own experience, one of my daughters went through a time of depression. She was sullen and withdrawn and eventually required medication. The turning point for her came one day when we were walking through a pet store. One of the cockatiels in the store decided he was going to adopt my daughter. Now a cockatiel can live for 15 to 20 years, so taking on the responsibility of one is not a decision to be taken lightly. But it was one my daughter was willing to make and in turn it committed her to life. That bird continues to be a light in her life many, many years later. While I certainly was not enthused about the cost at the time, it has been one of the best investments that I have ever made.

The conversation my friend and I had brought home to me that fact that there are never cookie cutter answers when it comes to dealing with parent – teen conflict. But I thought I would share with you a couple of things that worked well for us.

Have you found a unique way to end conflict between you and your teen. We would love to hear all about it. Share your thoughts and insights in the comment box below.

Warmest regards,

SherryD

Over the last few weeks, steps have been taken to transition Imperfect You to a new version of WordPress to enable new functionality and security. As part of this transition, new software was required that would be compatible with the new WordPress blogging version. This new software opened the door to a bit of redecorating. While the basic look of Imperfect You has remained, the menus and side features have been cleaned up to allow easier navigation.

Our apologies for any who may have been inconvenienced while the transition was taking place.

One noticeable addition is the Hot Off The Press page, available via the top menu bar. We have looked for news feeds on topics that we hope will be of interest to you.

We hope you enjoy the new look.

Warmest regards,

SherryD

On Wednesday, June 02, 2010, a Winnipeg High School student was given the unique opportunity of seeing a Private Members bill he crafted, presented by Pat Martin, NDP MP Winnipeg Centre, to the Canadian Parliament. “Sam’s Law,” as it was titled on the front page of the Winnipeg Free Press, calls for an accessibility audit to be done of all federally regulated transport systems in Canada to identify barriers faced by the disabled while traveling in Canada.

Nations such as the United States, United Kingdom and Australia, already have legislation in place barring discrimination against the disabled. In Canada, however, there is a voluntary system. Therefore, each perceived instance of discrimination must be addressed on an individual basis before the courts to see if a violation of Human Rights has occurred.

Sam Unrau, already active as a member of the City of Winnipeg’s Access Advisory Committee, was given the opportunity to draft his Private Member’s bill as a result of a contest called “Create Your Canada” sponsored by the NDP in Winnipeg Centre. When deciding on the focus of his bill, Sam wanted to address issues affecting the disabled community at the federal level. Inspiration for this issue came from the tales told by his peers of undue barriers they often faced.

Sam also gives credit to the Council of Canadians with Disabilities for providing him with “a whole wackload” of issues faced by the disabled in Canada and plenty of research to give credibility to this issue.

The Private Member’s bill form will provide Bill C-523, An Act to amend the Canada Transportation Act (accessibility in transportation), with many benefits:

- It provides a tool by which cross-country support can be gathered.
- It is capable of garnering cross party support.
- It doesn’t die if Parliament is prorogued.

Basically, proroguing Parliament means that a session of Parliament is adjourned or ceases to sit. When the session commences once again, any unpassed bills or motions from the original session cease to exist, opening up the opportunity to resubmit controversial bills in a new form, which may be more acceptable and less controversial.

Sam was asked during an interview for Primetime Politics on CPAC, why an audit, why not just copy the legislation from other countries?

In answer, Sam explained that here in Canada, we may have challenges that are unique, such as our climate. “You can always copy and paste other legislation, but you want to make sure this one will fit with Canada and be great for all Canadians,” says Sam.

Now that Bill C-523 has been tabled in Parliament and given first reading, it may be several months before Mr. Martin is given the opportunity to raise it once again for debate. However, the issues this bill represents have now been brought to the attention of the Canadian public and have also gained the attention of John Baird, the Minister of Transportation, which, in light of the Minister’s busy schedule, is in and of itself a significant achievement.

As mentioned by Pat Martin in the CPAC interview, “We are kind of using it as a tool to, a stepping stone to take the issue from a problem to an analysis of the problem, and hopefully regulatory change ultimately.”

Activism can only go so far at the local level. It is when these issues are elevated to the federal arena that the opportunity for regulatory change is made possible that will benefit all Canadians and open the door for positive change at both the federal and local levels. The disabled community of Canada will be watching the progress of “Sam’s Law” closely in the months to follow.

Sources: The Winnipeg Free Press, CPAC – The Cable Public Affairs Channel, Power Play on CTV, NDP Press Releases, TheStar.com, OpenParliament.ca

Warmest regards,

SherryD

Just a great video I ran across on You Tube that you might like.

Warmest regards,

SherryD

It was one of those beautiful winter days. You know, the ones where the temperature is finally high enough that your nose doesn’t freeze the moment it ventures beyond the cozy warmth of your home and all around fat snowflakes are silently drifting down, covering everything around you in a blanket of white.

It was a day like this when I found the most perfect snowflake I have ever seen.

As I strolled through the snow, enjoying the falling snow, I saw it drift down and land on my sleeve. It was the most beautiful of all the snowflakes that day. Perfectly balanced and intricately designed, it perched there for a moment while I gazed upon it. And then, it melted.

The fragile beauty of this perfect snowflake could not exist in the warmth of my sleeve. Nor would it have survived had it joined the other snowflakes that reached the ground, for even in it’s perfection, it was imperfect. Its intricate shape would have been lost, compressed by the blanket of snow still falling.

For one moment in time, I looked upon perfection and found it to be perfectly imperfect.

Does this not sound like so many things in our lives? The moments of perfection that we strive for are so fleeting when they arrive. The long awaited birth of a child, racing to the finish line, or the receiving of a degree or award that we have worked so hard to achieve. These times are so fleeting that often, in the hustle and bustle of the day, they pass by without recognition.

When we look for perfection in our lives, we must recognize these moments and cherish them, as gifts to be remembered when things are not quite so perfect. If we do not stop and gather these moments in, they will be lost to us, so take time in your day to recognize and treasure these fleeting moments.

The memory and lessons of that perfectly imperfect snowflake made my day and days to follow, just a little bit brighter. You too must gather you own moments to remember and brighten each day as it comes.

Warmest regards,

SherryD

When you go through the process of setting personal goals, make sure that you are the one to define what needs to be achieved to meet those goals successfully. Society, culture, family and friends may all have their own definition of success and those definitions can vary greatly. What matters is what you believe, not what others believe. So before you go with what society thinks, first stop to determine what is important to you.

The goals we set for ourselves generally stem from those things that bring us joy and a sense of fulfillment. They are shaped by passion, curiosity and the foundational principles on which we have been raised. Therefore, what we define as success is unique to each of us.

The experiences we have will always play a role in our definition of success. We are the sum of both our good and our bad experiences. If we see and admire someone who selflessly gives of their self to others, those traits become part of what we then call success. If on the other hand, we see someone who is outwardly successful by society’s standards, but has paid the price of that success with notoriety or loneliness, our own definition of success may include avoiding that which makes the other successful.

Our upbringing also helps to shape our definition of success. How many of you have thought to yourself, “I sound just like my mother or father.” Regardless of how we may have felt at the time our loved ones dropped those pearls of wisdom, we often find later in life that those wise words have become part of the corner stone of what we believe is right for ourselves and others. At times though, we find that our upbringing may hinder us or be behind a tendency of setting personal goals that are lower than we are capable of achieving. We may find that because others have not reached their own goals successfully, that they impose a belief that we will not succeed to a greater degree than they have. These are times to challenge those beliefs and recognize your potential of reaching a higher level of success.

Our emotions and feelings also play a role in setting personal goals and our ability to successfully reach those goals. While we don’t want emotion to rule our lives, it often provides us with the inspiration needed to reach our goals. Pride of accomplishment, joy in a task and even anger over a perceived wrong can shape what the goals we set.

In the end, the definition of success you will strive for when you are setting your personal goals is uniquely your own. Allow these parameters for success to act as guides for you along the path you take toward meeting the personal goals that you have set.

Warmest regards,

SherryD

That time of year has come once again when we gather together to with family and friends to celebrate the kinder side of humanity. It is a time of expressing our thankfulness for the blessings we have received and also a time to reach out to others less fortunate so that they in turn may also feel blessed.

Now many of us celebrate at different times and in different ways. That is not what this post is about.

I come from a traditional christian background and as such, my celebrations are anchored in the philosophy that background has given me. However, I do not believe that basic human kindness and charity are specific to any given background. We all have within ourselves the capacity to reach out to others and make a difference regardless of the season. This is just a time when we are reminded of the importance of doing so.

One of my favorite times is the 24th of December. This is the day that has been set aside for my 3 children, their significant others and 3 grandchildren spend time with me celebrating the season. Next year (possibly even this year), we will have another join us as my oldest daughter is expecting. While a busy time, it is also a time and memory that we jointly share. Good food, warm company and the expressions of the little ones as they open their gifts are pearls of memory that bind us as a family.

Warmest regards,

SherryD